That's A Lot Of Birthday Candles
Author Bonnie Kate Pardoe
Date 2 November 2015
Rating/Warning PG
Genres drama, war-related
Format Short story
Previous A Boy Called Goo

Story RecapEdit

Tracy phones Vachon at Bonnie's apartment to tell him that his church is on fire. It turns out that Screed set the fire as a birthday present for Vachon in order to rid the building of the pink goo.


"Purty spek-tac-tular, ain't it?" Screed commented.

"And then some. I don't think anyone's going to be staying there ever again."

"Not even a pink-goo-spittin' entity," Screed added.

"I don't see how it could have surv-- Wait a minute. Did you" - Bonnie suddenly dropped her voice to a whisper - "do this?"

"Sure, Oy did." Screed said as he grabbed his sweater, as if he were grabbing lapels on a tuxedo jacket, and struck a proud stance. "How else was there ta get rid o' that... that thing possessin' da place?"

"Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god," Bonnie started mumbling over and over and over.


  • The pink goo in the story is based on the pink confetti-goo that appeared in the Vaqueras' story arc in War 15.
  • Bonnie's self-insert is consistent with the FK Wars, which are round robins in which players (or fictional versions of themselves) come to Toronto for fun and adventure. However, although clearly set in the FK War universe, the story was posted to FKFIC-L without the War: header. No war was currently going on or planned.
  • In the story, Vachon is staying with Bonnie rather than living at the church. Vachon and Tracy have had no contact with one another for years. Tracy still holds a torch for him; but Bonnie tries to dissuade her from thinking there could be any future in it.

"You know, though, this business about soul mates - there being only one person who completes you - I don't buy it. There's eight billion people on the planet - it just doesn't make sense that there are four billion perfect pairings. Statistically, it's highly improbable. And, evolutionarily, it's highly impractical."

"You sound like a scientist, but I thought you were a landlady?"

Bonnie shrugged and then nodded. She had been a scientist; she might be again. She wasn't sure and, at this point, only time would tell.

Tracy gave her a flustered, forced smile, and then said, "So, what you were saying about chemistry: You think there is more than one reasonably good pairing on this planet for... everyone?"

Bonnie nodded. "In fact, the population of Toronto is around two-and-a-half million - so there are, undoubtedly, more than a few that would be right for you. And, once you find someone, Tracy, you'll be glad you didn't waste your time on something that wasn't meant to be."

See AlsoEdit